Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
