She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
