I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
