just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
