I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
