ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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