I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
