I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
