i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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