So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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