I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
