Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
