i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
