My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Boobs are out for the taking
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
