he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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