so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
