Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Operation Purity has been aborted
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
