UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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