was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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