the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
