I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This is the high leading the old right now
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
