We're facebook friends in real life
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
