walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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