My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
