He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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