those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
