saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
