i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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