why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
