Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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