Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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