We won't sleep together?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
