then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
