dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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