i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
