If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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