Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
