The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
