Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
