it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
