i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
