yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
