Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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