i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
