I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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