Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
