I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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