Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
