We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
