Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
