I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
