if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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