Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
